Alec Nevala-Lee

Thoughts on art, creativity, and the writing life.

Twenty-four hour potty people

with 11 comments

Toilet Training in Less Than a Day

Toilet Training in Less Than a Day is a slim little book originally published in 1974 by the child psychologists Nathan H. Azrin and Richard M. Foxx. I picked up a copy last month, after realizing that I was long overdue in potty training my daughter, who just turned three. Until then, my wife and I had somehow hoped that the problem would solve itself: we bought a Baby Bjorn toilet trainer seat, and after Beatrix took an interest in it, we allowed ourselves to think that she might even teach herself on her own. That didn’t happen, of course—after an initial burst of activity, the seat just gathered dust for a year, and as the days continued to pass, I figured that I might as well do it for once and for all. Her winter break from playschool, which happened to coincide with a slow period in my own work, presented an obvious opportunity. And I was drawn to the book by Azrin and Foxx primarily because of the promise conveyed in its title: given enough advance preparation on the parent’s part, toilet training could be over in a day or two of focused work, rather than conducted at a lower level of intensity over a period of weeks. (I don’t intend to go into the method in detail, and you really do need to read the text in its entirety, but you can find a summary of the approach here.) But as I studied the book and gathered the necessary equipment, my wife cautioned me against having unrealistic expectations: “If it were really possible to toilet train in a day,” she said, “potty training wouldn’t be such a thing.”

At this point in the story, you’d expect some kind of a twist: I’d tell you that the training didn’t work at all, or that there were shortcomings in the method that weren’t evident from a cursory reading. But it worked just great, with a few caveats that I’ll discuss in a moment. The title is a bit misleading: the training itself took about a day and a half, but it was preceded by three nights in which I read the book twice from cover to cover, took notes, and did my best to memorize the instructions. What it proposes, in effect, is a kind of four-hour seminar on the subject of potty training: you sit your child down in the kitchen or some other room with an easily washable floor and minimal distractions, and you essentially conduct a motivational talk, a la Tony Robbins, about the benefits of the toilet, complete with rehearsals and demonstrations. It requires a doll that wets, which was surprisingly hard to find, and a potty that provides feedback when the child successfully does her business. (The one that I ended up purchasing plays a merry tune and says: “Yay!”) You use the doll to demonstrate the process a few times, including a dramatization of what happens when she wets her pants, and then proceed to a series of practice runs, with dryness checks conducted every five minutes and potty trials every quarter of an hour. A supply of snacks, drinks, and other rewards is kept on hand, along with a “friends who care” list to remind her that her grandparents, friends, and Santa Claus are all proud of her. And you’re supposed to talk about nothing else but the potty for however long it takes.

Toilet Training in Less Than a Day

The result, within twenty-four hours, is that my daughter can now run to the potty by herself whenever she needs to go, lower her pants, relieve herself, wipe, put the tissue in the adjacent toilet, raise her pants, empty out the pot, flush, and even use the closed potty seat as a stool to wash her hands in the sink. Azrin and Foxx aim to have the entire process be totally autonomous, so that you aren’t even aware that your child is using the potty until you hear the flushing sound from the next room—although we haven’t quite gotten to that point yet. We’ve had a few accidents, and keeping dry overnight is a challenge we’re saving for another day, but so far, it’s been fine. And reports from other parents mostly seem to verify this. When you look at reviews of the book online, which are overwhelmingly positive, you find that they fall into two categories. If it worked for your child, the book is great; if it didn’t, it needs to be taken out of print. And it’s easy to overlook that a lot of luck seems to be involved in either case. (There’s also a touch of negative reinforcement that might make some parents, including me, a little uncomfortable: when your child has an accident, you’re supposed to say “No!” in a firm voice, and then conduct ten rapid practice runs before having her change her pants and clean up her mess. Beatrix sure didn’t like it, but it seemed to work.) I also have a feeling that it was the extended amount of time that we spent together, rather than any specific drills, that made the difference: the pants inspections and practices are useful in themselves, but they’re even more valuable as a way to structure the hours upon hours of attention that the approach requires.

And I ended up reflecting a lot about the tradeoffs involved. Last week, while talking about baking bread using the no-knead method, I pointed out the inverse relationship between time and intensity in everything we do: you can make up for one by ramping up the other, and the results are much the same whether you engage in intense effort for a short stretch of time or less focused work for a longer period. In my case, I decided that I preferred one day of concentrated training, rather than drawing the process out over weeks, but the amount of energy I expended ended up being pretty much equivalent. And there are small, unpredictable externalities that arise with the accelerated approach: Beatrix has been restless at night, apparently because she’s worried about wetting her pull-ups, and I’ve been spending a lot of extra time trying to figure out what she needs there. There’s no free lunch, in other words: the universe of potty training is basically an efficient market, and what you gain in saved time with the Azrin and Foxx method you pay for in other ways, as a kind of karmic compensation. That’s true of anything in life, but it’s particularly true of parenting: anything that looks like a shortcut probably isn’t, when you take the larger picture into account. I’m proud of my daughter and myself for having gotten through the process so quickly, but it isn’t for everyone, and it probably isn’t an accident that most parents choose a less intensive approach. You think that you’re training your child to use the potty, but when you’re done, you find that you’ve also been quietly training yourself.

Written by nevalalee

January 5, 2016 at 9:01 am

11 Responses

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  1. ‘Cleanly’ written.

    Saloni

    January 5, 2016 at 11:51 am

  2. Bravo, keep up the good work! We all need coaching of one kind or another especially when it comes to letting go of what we don’t need at the appropriate time, in the best place, and with the proper combination of enthusiasm and patience. Peaceful potty! ThankYou

    jodycheyanne3

    January 5, 2016 at 11:58 am

  3. I can’t say that I potty trained my daughter at all, but there was an interesting phenomenon. I was working and dropping Jennifer off at the home of a woman with two small girls and babysitting another small girl. Jennifer was the fourth and youngest small girl. She was not potty trained, but the very first day, Jennifer was lined up at the toilet with the other three. That was it. She was potty trained that day with nothing but peer pressure. Well, maybe also bladder pressure. Interestingly, that was also when she began talking non-stop in full sentences. I guess she was ready and just needed the motivation.

    Dinata Misovec

    January 5, 2016 at 3:55 pm

  4. I a currently knee deep in toilet training right now. My daughter just turned 4 but I’ve been training her for awhile and it’s one of those things you just have to let it happen and help it happen, not something you can force. So, it made me feel a little better to read this.

    Everyday Voices

    January 5, 2016 at 10:14 pm

  5. What memories (good ones) this evoked… I used the same method for my three boys – my guys are now almost 32, 30 and 27. It worked! I will have to find the book and dust it off so I can pass it along for my grandson in a couple of years. As I recall Smarties were the reward of the day.

    ratherknit

    January 5, 2016 at 10:52 pm

  6. @Saloni: Thanks!

    nevalalee

    January 10, 2016 at 9:00 pm

  7. @jodycheyanne3: After I potty trained my daughter successfully, I felt like I could do anything.

    nevalalee

    January 10, 2016 at 9:00 pm

  8. @Dinata Misovec: So much of it comes down to luck and good timing, like everything else in life.

    nevalalee

    January 10, 2016 at 9:01 pm

  9. @Everyday Voices: Good luck! My daughter’s pediatrician says that she’s having similar problems with her own son, which is oddly reassuring.

    nevalalee

    January 10, 2016 at 9:02 pm

  10. @ratherknit: It’s a classic! I expect I’ll use it for my next kid, and maybe my grandkids.

    nevalalee

    January 10, 2016 at 9:02 pm

  11. :)

    Saloni

    January 11, 2016 at 10:43 pm


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